The Harris-Biden Campaign has responded to scurrilous press reports of recently discovered evidence linking the former Vice President to a meeting or meetings with representatives of Ukraine’s most corrupt Oil and Gas company, Burisma. They reassure Americans that as they can find no entry in his Official Calendar for that date and time, there can not possibly have been any such meeting to set up a job for his wastrel son Hunter, or to explore quid-pro-quo avenues in exchange for same.
As the former VP and his representatives at CNN and MSNBC have repeatedly pointed out, there is nothing unusual about Hunter Biden receiving $50,000 monthly for a board seat at a Ukrainian Oil and Gas company, despite his bringing nothing personally to the role aside from the same disarming, lopsided grin as his father, along with a complete lack of experience in oil and gas, the energy industry in general, eastern Europe regionally, or the Ukrainian language. President Obama having that same year assigned Vice President Biden the portfolio of “Ukrainian Corruption” watchdog is merely coincidental and these elements taken together do not in and of themselves suggest any suspicious connections whatsoever. The matter can, on the contrary, in fact be considered thoroughly “debunked”, according to Senator Chris Coons (D – Del.)
Despite the mainstream media refusing to report on this story and Facebook and Twitter banning its linking and censoring even the mention of it, a few citizens have nevertheless managed to learn that Hunter Biden, the occasionally crack smoking and stripper impregnating black sheep of the Biden family, had not only left at a computer repair shop a laptop containing e-mails documenting the above along with several lurid photos of his personal life, but then forgot to ever pay the shop or pick up the laptop.
Biden’s staff reminded us that along with finding no entry in the former Vice-President’s Official Calendar for the alleged Ukrainian oligarch meeting, they were never able to find any entry for “Feel Up Assistant Against Her Will”, thus thoroughly debunking the Tara Reade accusations as well.
A Harris-Biden Campaign spokesperson asked (a little muffled, what with the Black Lives Matter mask over the Antifa balaclava) that people just leave Biden alone as these allegations are hurting his feelings; at least for a day or two, until he forgets about them. To assist in this, the Campaign has again hidden away Mr. Biden back in his basement, where he can enjoy watching many favourite classic silent films of his youth, from back when he first came to Washington.
This does give him time, however, to occasionally wonder why his mean new boss Kamala keeps telling him he has to keep out of sight in his basement. To be fair, though, she does sometimes show concern for his well-being, suggesting if he needs some fresh air to maybe double up on his sleepy-time meds and take a long relaxing late evening stroll along a pier.
(Image credits: Joe Biden – Gage Skidmore; Hunter Biden – Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported)